The Moment It All Changed.

February 17, 2025

"When do you feel like it all changed for you?" My mom asked.

I remember the exact day and time.

But before that day i had a very significant interaction with my mission president.

It was my first interview with him.

I will never forget the words that he shared with me on that cold October day.

"If there is one thing i want you to be able to say when you leave is that you learned what it means to rely on the Saviour in everything that you do for him."

I soon learned what he meant.

I learned that missions are hard.

That without the Saviour they become impossible.

But with the Saviour, you are changed forever.

I remember the exact day and time when it all changed.

Months had passed.

It was the 19th of February @ 9:45 am.

Almost 1 year ago.

I was struggling.

The honeymoon phase had now passed.

My mind was uneasy.

My heart was broken.

The last thing i wanted to do was rely on him.

Where was he?

Just days prior I asked my mission president what it meant to actually rely on him.

How could i rely on him?

How could i trust him?

Was he really walking with me?

Because i definitely felt like i was walking alone.

He then said this.

"This is what relying on the Saviour looks like – working with Him, with His might, to do His work with no single distraction."

At that moment in time i knew what was holding me back.

My mind was far from the cause of christ.

And what filled my mind was anger, hurt, and regret.

I was carrying the weight that he already bore.

And it was time to let go.

And this is what i said on that sacred day in February.

"I went into my room and began talking to my Heavenly Father.

I explained to him what needed to happen.

What i needed to say.

What i needed to do.

I sat in silence for awhile.

Moments of my life where I was hurt, betrayed, and broken starting playing through my head.

Tears began to fall down my face.

This hurt.

I didn't know if I was ready to do this.

But, after a few minute i decide that it was time.

It was time to let go.

It was time to forgive.

I started telling Heavenly Father about these people and the situations.

Its hard when the people you love the most hurt you the worst.

But, despite those feelings, it felt good to talk to the one who understood my pain the most.

"I forgive them."

Each time i said this phrase i began to feel the weight of these internal stones be lifted off my back.

At last the cage that had been locked around my heart began to open.

This is what was holding me back.

This was my distraction.

There are so many things I learned from this experience.

The weight that is put on our hearts when we have these feelings is real.

But it's also the weight that is the unrecognisable until it is gone.

I had no idea that these feelings of hurt and resentment was causing me not to be able to love the people on my mission as much i could.

This was causing me to be distracted on focusing on my Saviour.

My heart was trapped.

But through the atonement of Jesus Christ it was then free.

I learned a lot about the character of Christ in this moment where i was on my knees. Pleading with my Father in heaven.

In a moment that was so hard for me to do.

But, Jesus Christ, who in bitter agony said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

What a perfect example.

Jesus Christ suffered and died for all, even the ones who hurt him the most.

He forgave them with such ease and humility.

He saw past their actions and acted in love.

He truly loved them.

As I finished my prayer I was light.

Everything was made right.

I had nothing on my chest any longer.

It is the most beautiful feeling.

As i walked out of my flat i began to see gods children and creation in a new light with a new love in my heart.

I am forever changed by this experience!

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you"

Forgive them."

This is where it all changed for me.

This is where i learned who Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were to me.

That day i was able to leave everything behind.

The journey of healing began there.

In that tiny room.

On the 19th of February.

@ 9:45 am.

I have thought a lot about this last week.

As i think about it i remember the words of my mission president.

"If there is one thing i want you to be able to say when you leave is that you learned what it means to rely on the Saviour in everything that you do."

By no means have i been perfect.

But through him my mission has been perfect.

It has been the most beautiful journey.

It has been hard.

The hardest thing i have ever done.

But, He has been here all along.

To the moments on the dorm floor.

To stepping on the plane to this unknown country.

To the 19th of February @ 9:45 am where everything changed.

To the final week proclaiming his name.

And every day in between.

He has been here all along.