"O Thou Of Little Faith, Wherefore Didst Thou Doubt?"

Im finding that recently Heavenly Father is teaching me similar lessons to those i learned at the beginning of my mission. 

I remember a specific day where i felt done. 

My life had unexpected changes that i didnt see coming. 

It seemed like every person we talked to didnt want anything to do with us.  

One of our friends that was meant to get baptised the next week told us he didnt want to see us anymore.

Everything that day just seemed to pile up and i was done. 

I rememeber sitting on these steps outside of these flats in Brinnington and just crying. 

My heart hurt. 

It was truly a moment where i felt like a failure. 

My companion and i at the time went back to the flat early that day.  

As soon as we got to the flat we both went in separate rooms and began pleading with Heavenly Father. 

I wanted to know why i had to feel so broken. 

Hadn't i been broken enough before all of this? 

Why did he want me to feel so low again? 

Its was that moment in my flat. 

On my knees. 

With tears streaming down my face. 

That i learned faith. 

I began i write. 

And it was in those words that the Saviour was able to teach me. 

"So, what is faith? 

I believe its acting in spite of knowing the outcome of something. Its putting all your trust in something or someone. Its accepting that everything goes the way its suppose to, even when it goes the way you didnt expect it to go. Its following a plan you don't know. 

This concept of faith really hit me this week. There was a moment this week where I asked myself, do i really have faith? 

I had a really hard week. Something i have struggled with my whole life is adjusting to unexpected news or change. And this transfer has been just that. 

I've had a really hard time. 

It's consisted of a lot. A lot of questioning. A lot of heartbreak. A lot of those "ouch" moments. A lot of tears. A lot of pondering. A lot of pleading. 

There have been so many moments where I go on my knees and I don't even know what to say. I've learned that hurt takes my words away. 

I go around preaching of this word faith and I help people develop it but do I really have it myself? Do I truly believe that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can deliver me out of my pain?

I want to believe they can, but do I believe they will?"

I had a similar day this week. 

11 months later i feel that Heavenly Father wanted to teach me about faith. 

I came into this area wanting to transform it.

There was just this burning desire within me to find everyone and bring them to the Saviour. 

I wanted to really show the Lord that i cared about his work. 

Day after day nothing seemed to come. 

We were finding all day everyday. 

Speaking to everyone all the time. 

And when it seemed we would find someone, the adversary would come in and quickly change their minds. 

Obviously this isnt new news. 

But, for some reason in this new place it has really hurt my heart seeing people not choose him. 

The rejection has become more painful than it ever has before. 

Maybe its because the message we share means so much to me.

So much more than it ever has before. 

As i got home one night i felt as if i were reliving that one day 11 months ago. 

A moment in my flat. 

On my knees. 

With tears streaming down my face. 

Pleading with Heavenly Father to help me with my faith. 

I began to think about Peter walking on the water. 

How he was so willing to step out of the boat. 

But then he faith shifted.

"But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, 

Lord, save me."

I have never related more. 

The winds are strong. 

My sight of the Saviour began to vanish. 

I was sinking. 

It was in that moment i learned faith. 

"And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, 

O thou of little faith, 

wherefore didst thou doubt?"

"And when they were come into the ship, 

the wind ceased."

Once again on my knees the Saviour caught me. 

And lifted me up again. 

The question then came to my mind

O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

Isnt all of this enough for you to see me?

Faith is the process.

Faith is trusting. 

Faith is what leads us to experiencing the Saviour. 

We experience the Saviour from a distance when we stay inside the boat. 

It is only when we decide to step out that we are touched by him. 

That is faith. 

Willing to step out to step closer to him. 

That is what im choosing to do. 

My faith lies outside of the boat. 

Even if I begin to sink, i know that his hand stands above me waiting to pull me up. 

I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. 

I know they are active and invested in each and every one of our lives. 

Will you step out for him?

I love you! 

I pray that you may be able to experience the love that the Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for you! 

With love, 

Sister B.