It Is Simple.

It was another week we pled for miracles. 

It just felt right that in a week like this one we would see wondrous things. 

We couldnt expect anything less. 

We planned to make 9 friends and have 9 friends at church. 

The lessons were all confirmed. 

These people couldnt wait to meet to learn more. 

We couldnt help but count down the days until we could meet with them. 

We were ready to experience the Lord in his vineyard once again. 

And then the night came. 

It seemed that all hope was lost. 

The sickness began to take over. 

We rushed asking our friends if they could meet some other way. 

It worked for some. While others it didnt. 

In a week where so much good was meant to happen why did this opposition come now? 

It was the first time i hadnt gone to church in 15 months. 

How could i have ever missed before? 

I never knew how much i need it, until i didnt have it. 

I missed having that sacred moment as the sacrament was passed. 

That time i have to talk to him. 

To plead for the strength i need in the coming week. 

Praying to be able to find his children so they can come and partake of him. 

It just wasnt the same in front of the screen, in our small flat. 

Over the last couple days i have had a lot of time to think. 

Memories of my past began to fill my mind so i started to write. 

Filling pages and pages. 

I find thats a way the spirit teaches me. 

The dots began to connect. 

Why so many months ago i needed to experience those dark places. 

But there is one thing that did leave my mind without rest. 

Who am i? 

What is my purpose?

It sounds silly that a missionary whos purpose is to help people to come to know these things would have these questions herself. 

It all started when i saw those pictures of myself. 

Standing next to my family before i left. 

I feel like i dont even know her anymore. 

Broken and lost inside. 

Hiding behind the labels she felt so comfortable with. 

Everything in life was centred on her. 

I now look at her in the mirror. 

She is different. 

She is changed. 

As much as i love this change that has taken place it has led me to feeling a little lost. 

I feel like i have been stripped down to the core. 

Leaving behind no trace of the girl before. The life before.

Maybe these thoughts began as i started thinking about home. 

As the time comes closer the more i begin to worry. 

Who will i be?

What will my purpose be?

I have no ties to the past her. 

So, what will i tie myself to?

I began doing what i know best. Drawing upon anything that could comfort my heart and mind.  

I started listening to every talk. 

Reading every scripture. 

Filling my prayers with this question. 

Day after day. 

When i thought all hope was lost.

It came. 

It was Sunday morning. 

The desperation came in to continue my search. 

I needed rest.

"It is simple."

As i read the Fathers plan i began to see. 

"We were chosen even before the world was made."

He chose me. 

He chose Jesus Christ for me. 

He made the world for me. 

It was all for me. 

I started reading my patriarchal blessing i began to see. 

"I have a work for you to do."

"Continue on in faithfulness and righteousness and everything will be okay."

Everything will be okay. 

I began to see.

God is love. 

He loves me. 

And only a loving Father would give all this to me. 

He needed me to change so i could fulfill his work. 

I don't need to worry about who i am or what my purpose is 

because he already has it planned. 

I am on the path of coming to know it. 

Like all things it will come line upon line. 

Everything has its time and season. 

"It is simple."

As i looked at the sacrament that night. 

On that tiny blue chair.

Outside our flat. 

In the dark and cold.

I began to see. 

"It is simple."

He doesnt ask for much. 

He just asks for us. 

Im trying so hard to give myself to him. 

I think it will be something i am constantly working towards for the rest of my life. 

But, i know hes there. 

I know hes waiting. 

He knows me. 

Because i am His.

"To know who we are is to open a door to all divine lessons and learning." 

- my mission president 

I pray that you may also begin to see how divine and special you are to Heavenly Father. 

He loves you, i can feel it. 

Nothing can stand in the way of that truth. I know that to be true. 

"It is simple."

I love you!

With love,

Sister B