"That He Might Bear It After Jesus."

My Saviour means everything to me. Any moment i think of Him it brings me to tears. 

He fills my heart. I am amazed each day by his mercy and love. I fear to think where i would be if i didnt know him. 

There are only a couple weeks i can count on my mission that have been really hard. This week was one of those weeks. There seemed to be a lot of things trying to work against us. Nothing was seemed to work. Everything we gave seemed to go no where. 

After a couple of days just feeling super discouraged i prayed that i would be able to recognise what the lord was trying to teach me in these moments of hard. 

I came across the story of Simon of Cyrene. The man that bore the cross of the saviour. This verse of scripture struck my heart. 

Luke 23:26

"And as they led him away, they laid hold upon one Simon, a Cyrenian, coming out of the country, and on him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus."

I began to picture this man. He's just trying to pass by and here come these soldiers and with no explanation pull him out of this crowd and lay Jesus's cross on his back. 

That he might bear it after Jesus. 

Simon didnt choose to carry the cross of the saviour. 

But, without questioning, he carries it. 

All the way to Golgotha. 

This imagery brought me to tears. 

I began to wonder what Simon was thinking. Did he understand what he was doing? 

Who he was doing it for? 

Did he understand the significant events that has just happened days and hours before or that were soon to take place? 

I began to think about the week that was happening. The hard. The tear. The disappointment. The moments i didnt feel like my prayers were being answered. The moments i felt so alone in the work. 

And then i thought of the cross. 

I thought of me behind the struggling saviour climbing up the mountain to the place where he would die. 

Die for me. 

Both of us struggling, but struggling together. 

I came to the conclusion of why it was so crucial that this detail of Simon of Cyrene was written 3 times. 

The saviour still needed help. He couldn't carry this burden alone. Even though he was perfect. He still had his moments where he felt like he couldn't take another step. 

He knew where he was headed. To perform the ultimate sacrifice. But he still needed help getting there. 

The saviour invites all of us to take up our cross and follow him. 

To take up our hard. 

The hurt. 

The tears. 

The hard days.

All of it.

To carry this weight as we watch him carry our sins. 

It still hurts. It's still heavy. The walk is long. 

But it is the walk in which we are saved forever. 

Because we're taking it to the place where it is all made right.

I feel honored to get to carry.

Even when it's sore. 

I know who I am doing it for. 

As i began i picture myself on this journey to Golgotha i started to see him again. 

I found myself with these lyrics in my mind. 

"In those moments I bore His cross 

to lighten His trial

Minutes of knowing of His love

A feeling of being His disciple

Savior, may I help carry Your cross?

Your burden can I somehow lighten?

Can I travel to Golgotha with You,

walking as You carry my sins?

Savior, may I help?

Your burden can I somehow lighten?

Can I travel to Golgotha with You,

hand in hand as You carry my sins?"

Minutes of knowing of his love, a feeling of being his disciple. 

It is when i feel this love that i remember the joy that comes from being his disciple. 

Helping him carry. Not just myself but others up the hill with their crosses. As he carries our sins. 

My moments with saviour where we were walking up the hill together. 

The moment were we found Tony from a couple weeks ago again when we felt prompted to go to Ashton New Road trying to find a middle age man who needs the light of the saviour.  

Or that time we called John because his contact was about to expire. And he said hes been trying to get in contact with missionaries again but didnt know how to. 

Sitting in the library and we see the bus driver that always lets us on for free. We decided to talk to him and he says hes interested in learning more. 

Getting invited to members homes that were full of laughter and trying new food. Like the kebab at debbies or the curries at helens.

Walking into a room of our book of mormon class called Keystone and Cake and every seat being filled. Getting to bear testimony of the power of the Atonement. Watching the eyes of our members fill with tears as theh begin to see the affect of the Atonement in their lives. 

Sitting for hours at dinner with my mission President and his wife after our inspired interviews. The love that was felt for the work of the lord filled me with joy. 

Filling the doors of our members with hearts and sweet messages. 

All of these moments. All because of him. 

The lord has not left us to walk through this journey alone. We don't have to figure everything out by ourselves. As we recognise him, cry unto him for support, and trust him, then he will direct our paths, and wherever we go, it will be in the Lord. It is a beautiful promise. It is the best way to travel through life. 

"Ye look to God, and live."

I love you all so much 

It is a love i know comes from our heavenly father and saviour. 

With love, 

Sister B