How Long Can We Hold On?

There seems to be moments in time where our grip feels like its beginning to slip. 

Its times for me where i feel most out of control. 

This was one of those weeks for me. 

My mission president called me last sunday and told me that my companions father had just passed away. My heart sank so deep. I felt sick. If this sweet sister hasn't been through enough, i thought to myself. 

He made it very clear that I couldn't tell her, that him and his wife were going to come later that night to tell her. This was one of the hardest things I have had to do on my mission. To look at her and know that she had no idea the news she was going to receive. 

Sitting in a room with my mission president and his wife listening to them tell her that her dad passed away hurt so bad. My heartbroke. Watching her face change from a smile to instant tears. Having her look at me in pure distraught, hurt. 

I stayed awake for awhile after she went to bed. Contemplating how I was going to help her and take care of her. I spent a long time on my knees pleading with heavenly father. But nothing came. 

I woke up the next morning, again on my knees. 

I decided to go to my scriptures. I happened to be reading in Alma chapter 4. 

In Alma chapter 4, Alma is the spiritual leader of a large group of people. He spent so much time encouraging them and inviting them to turn their lives over to the lord. He made promises to them and prayed for them. Yet, at this time in his ministry, nothing was going right. Despite their decisions to be faithful, they still received persecution. Affliction seemed to become their way of life. Almas people were getting treated so unfairly. 

At the end of the chapter Alma taught me a lesson. This is what he says, 

15 And now it came to pass that Alma, having seen the afflictions of the humble followers of God, and the persecutions which were heaped upon them by the remainder of his people, and seeing all their inequality, began to be very sorrowful; nevertheless the Spirit of the Lord did not fail him.

Nevertheless the spirit of the lord did not fail him. 

This is the answer to my prayer. 

With everything that could and does happen in this life, one thing remains constant.

God.

He never walks away

He never leaves us alone

And will never runout of time, patience, or strength. 

He will always be there. 

Even though this time will be hard and there's going to be days that we will want to give up. I know one things for certain. 

The spirit of the lord will not fail us. 

This week had a lot of challenges and a lot of moments of tears. I don't think i comprehended the struggle and hurt that would come. 

This is by far the hardest thing i have had to be apart of on my mission. 

It is so hard to see your companion hurt so bad. To see her struggle to wake up or just do basic activities hurts my heart. 

To see her bright light be filled with sadness and brokenness is so hard. 

I have never prayed so hard for someone. I have needed heavens help so bad. 

This week has taken so much patience and charity.  

Through it all I have never seen the lord manifest himself more to me than during this week. 

There were so many experiences. 

The lord truly magnified every ounce of effort we gave. 

The moment when our friend abdu brought his friend Mughe to our lesson and we shared such a tender moment with him. "I think this is a sign from god, please teach me more."

After the lesson the sweet man named Tony sitting next to us asking if he could come to church with us. 

The miracle bus stop that blessed us with 7 new friends this week. All who are so prepared to learn about the gospel

Our sweet friend Masoud saying we answered his prayers during our lesson. 

Fasting for a long time for strength, love, and patience and seeing the lord manifest it unto me. 

Getting to listen to sister Mkhwanazi bear such a beautiful and real testimony in sacrament for the first time. 

Getting to look into all the eyes of our new friends as i spoke by the spirit on sunday. 

Our sweet friend sitting together outside after church talking together then being so excited to talk to us about what they learned. 

The sun that shined everyday. 

As the week came to a close Sister Mkhwanazi and i were having a lesson with one of our friends and this sweet friend ask us, "What do you do in those moments when you want to give up, when you cant hold on any longer?" 

I thought and thought and this is what came to my mind,

I remember. 

I remember what i have overcome. 

And its through the rememberance that i am able to have the faith that i can overcome the battle i am fighting right now. 

I have overcome hard things before so i definitely can again! 

As one friend reminded me many months ago, 

"He knows i depend on him."

"He always makes a way for me."

"He lets me go far enough to learn, but not enough to fall."

"He is the back support holding me up, without him i would fall."

But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.

Let us hold on with him who carries us all the way! 

Please pray for my sweet companion♡

With love, 

Sister B