6 Months Of Learning To Love

A letter to me, 

"Hey Sister B!! You made it! So far i have made it 2 whole weeks at the Provo MTC:) Now its time to teach the brits! 

Im so proud of you. You have made amazing strides. Think about where you were a year ago...NOW LOOK WHERE YOU ARE!! 

Be proud of yourself! 

You accomplished your goal! 

YOU ARE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF AS A MISSIONARY!!

Don't ever lose that confidence. 

The field is going to be so hard... Never forget what you believe and stand for. 

Remember who got you here. 

Jesus Christ.

He loves you! He knows you! He is proud of you! Heavenly Father loves you! He knows you! He is proud of you!

How cool is it that he is trusting you with his children?!

That is because of your faith & love for the gospel. Don't forget your purpose! Never stop listening to the spirit...He guides you to those who need & are ready to hear his message. 

I know without a doubt in my mind that my heavenly father and jesus christ love me. I know that heavenly father has a plan of pure joy and happiness for me! I know that for that plan to come true i need to use the gift of repentance. And i get to use this gift because Heavenly Father sent his son to die for ME! I know that the atonement is real. I know that the teachings of the prophets are true and they are here to guide us. I know the Book of Mormon speaks truth. I know these things are true because the Holy Ghost showed me. Im grateful for the spirit because it leads and guides me. I love this gospel with everything in me. I love my heavenly father and jesus christ so much. I cant wait to share these truths and testimony with the world! 

I love you Sister B!!

Never stop working hard! 

Never stop your passion!

Never stop loving God & others! 

LISTEN LOVE LEAD 

Goodluck! See you in a year! You got this!" 

6 months of love. 

Reading my own words made me giggle. I had no idea what i was about to endeavor. These words are so pure and so innocent. 

I love her. I love the Sister B that wrote those kind words. 

But i love the 6 months Sister B even more. 

My soul is filled with so much love as i look and see that i am in the same place i began this whole journey. The place i have begun to become like my saviour. A place that at one time was so unfamiliar and new but now has become my home. 

6 months of love.

Stockport has taught me a lot of things. Stockport is a sacred place. 

Its a place full of humility & care. 

People from all around the world come here to try something new. To start fresh. 

For the first time i knew what it felt like. To come to a new country. To try something new. To start fresh. 

But now I'm not so new. Ive gotten to know the place a little bit better. The connections that come with time are real.

Connection is in some way love. 

Love has become something that means so much more to me since being on my mission. 

I love, love. 

Its a feeling that never gets old. It a feeling and passion that never stops growing. 

But, it's also at times can bring the greatest heartbreak. 

This connection of love is an investment. 

There is something so vulnerable about love. You have to show your hopes and desires and what you really want. You risk being disappointed or let down and in most cases heartbroken. It's an emotional investment. But when you invest nothing you recieve nothing. 

I learned about this kind of love from my parents. 

I remember a day where i was struggling really bad. This day was about a month after one of my best friends had just passed away. I was hurt. I was sad. I was heartbroken. I was all alone. My testimony was lost. 

I remember sitting in my college apartment just crying and crying, i didnt know what to do. Soon after this breakdown i got a call from my mom and she asked how i was doing. I told her i was okay. I didnt want her to worry about me. I didnt want help. I wanted to try and be strong alone. I didn't want any connection. 

A couple hours after that call with my mom i got another call and it was my parents. 

They were outside of my apartment. 

They drove 4 hours to save me. To give me a hug. To show me this love i was yearning for.

 I didn't ask. I didn't expect anything. But they didn't care. They knew what i needed in the moment where i was hurting the most. 

In the moment of this event i don't think i understood the sacrifice they must've had to go through to pull this off. Getting 6 kids taken care of. Money. Work missed. The hours of travel. Responsibility put on hold. 

All of it just to come to me. 

All because of this love they had for me. 

This true and pure love. 

A christlike love. 

This showed me what love looked like. 

It was in the moments i needed love most, they came and sat and listened.

I love you mom and dad ♡

I wish I could say these cycles of heartbreak ended when i started my mission, but they didnt. 

I have put my heart and soul into my mission. I have given it all the love i have. 

And everyday i feel this heartbreak. The countless rejection. The hurtful words. The aching faces. The sad stories. 

It has broken my heart. 

But the brokenness i have felt has grown my heart. It has stripped me to the core. 

"We all have moments of suffering, but we can either be broken by those moments or we can be broken open by them. Some people are broken. They build a fragile shell over the part of themselves that is hurting and they curl in. They are afraid to be touched. There is a saying that pain that is not transformed gets transmitted.

But other people get broken open. They get more and more vulnerable and more open. They live their life at a deeper level.

Moments of suffering interrupt your life and remind you that you are not the person you thought you were. They carve through what you thought was the floor of the basement of your soul and reveal a cavity below, and then carve through that and reveal another cavity below. You just see deeper into yourself than you ever knew existed, and when you see into those depths, you realize that only spiritual and emotional food will fill those voids. So you begin to live life at a deeper level."

There have been many moments where i have had to let the lord crack open this fragile shell over my heart. Ive had to let him carve through my floor. 

As i have let him carve me and i have become new. 

I have been able to love again. 

His love has allowed me to love. 

With this breaking i have felt my capacity be enlarged. 

This void I had has been filled with love. 

My love for the people. 

My love for the plan. 

My love for Heavenly Father. 

My love for Jesus Christ. 

I love, love. 

More than me bringing souls back to christ i have learned that i needed my mission for me. I needed to be brought back to him. Heavenly father knew that hard things were going to come. That my heart was going to need to be healed. And he knew the only way that would fix that is my mission. 

Love is what heals the heart. 

6 months of my heart being healed by love. 

These people have changed my life. 

Everyday i see the hand of the lord changing them. 

Something they never knew they were missing becomes a part of them. 

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ become real for them. 

Its so beautiful! 

My mission is everything. It has been the hardest but most amazing thing i have ever done in my life. I feel so blessed to be in England at this time. The lord is hastening his work and i feel honoured that i get to wear his name over my heart everday. 

I know He lives. 

I know He loves me. 

He has healed me. 

I love you all. 

I pray for you everyday. 

Love, love! 

Sister B.